


Oswald’s Birthday Vacation

by daggersandribbons



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Birthday Sex, Birthday Smut, Blow Jobs, Day At The Beach, Hotel Sex, Lotsa Smut, M/M, Mayor Oswald Cobblepot, Possessive Oswald Cobblepot, Public Sex, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Top Edward Nygma, fEeLiNg SaLtY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 15:29:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17665178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daggersandribbons/pseuds/daggersandribbons
Summary: Mayor Cobblepot is a busy man who deserves a vacation.





	Oswald’s Birthday Vacation

Every morning, Oswald woke to Ed throwing the blanket on the floor and bombarding him with kisses. But this morning he rolled over, fully expecting Ed’s slender frame to stop his momentum, instead he rolled off the bed. As he hit the cold wooden floor, Ed entered the room with a tray of food. Oswald crossed his arms, and Ed sat the tray on the ground. 

On the tray sat a plate of eggs and toast, a mug of coffee that was more cream and sugar than coffee, and a folded up note. Oswald opened the note, finding a series of numbers and a doodle of a heart. 

“What is this?” Oswald asked before sipping his coffee. 

“It’s a heart, not anatomically correct of course.” Ed responded, earning him a cold glare. 

“I meant what are these numbers?” He clarified. They appeared to be coordinates, though they weren’t any ones that Oswald recognized. 

“Your birthday present, which will be revealed after a days work Mr. Mayor. You have a ribbon cutting at the Gotham University’s new library, a Q and A at the high school, and then a business dinner to discuss the budget for the fire department.” Ed explained. Oswald munched on his toast, fully intending on getting his assistant or Ed’s to reveal the gift Ed had planned. The taller male walked to the closet to grab the outfit that Oswald had picked out weeks in advance for his birthday. 

“Oh, and our assistants have been sworn to secrecy, so don’t try to ask them.” Ed commented, pulling the garment bag from the closet. Oswald walked over to Ed’s desk. The desk was a beautiful mahogany piece that was an antique and absolutely too expensive in Ed’s opinion, but to Oswald was an necessity due to the taller males tendency to get out bed throughout to night to write something down. On his desk sat a small glass box that held a few makeup items that Oswald used regularly (foundation, eyeliner, mascara), and a few he only used in front of Ed (bold eyeshadows, highlighters, lipsticks). 

“What do I need to pack?” Oswald inquired, hoping to get the slightest hint. 

“No need to worry about that,” Ed chuckled. 

The ribbon cutting went flawlessly, Oswald shook hands and smiled with shmoozing business men for pictures. Next was the Q and A at the high school, something Oswald was dreading. He wasn’t fond of children, much less asshole teenagers being forced to ask questions to a man who they would find every opportunity to mock. Happy birthday to Oswald. Oswald stood at the podium in front of the class, Ed close behind him. 

“Keep the glares to a minimum my love, wouldn’t want to come off as rude.” He murmured, picking a piece of lint off Oswald’s jacket before adjusting his glasses. The brown nosing students asked political questions, how he planned to make Gotham better. Those were the easy ones, it was the one from a scrawny kid in the back that threw him off. Ed called on the kid, who stood before asking:

“Are you dating anyone? You and your Chief or Staff look pretty close.” 

Oswald tensed up. He knew had only moments to think of an answer. 

“I don’t have time to date, all my relationships are strictly professional.” Except the man behind him who two nights earlier was making Oswald beg for more as he greedily sucked his cock. How was that for a professional relationship? The rest of the event seemed to breeze by, he even received a birthday card from some particularly avid fans of Mayor Cobblepot. 

Ed and Oswald took separate vehicles, Oswald and his assistant in one, Ed and his assistant in another. Oswald looked up at his assistant, who was typing away on her phone. 

“Natalie,” Oswald stated, and the girl looked up. 

“Yes? Oh, happy birthday by the way sir.” She responded, rustling through her purse to find her gift to him. It was an eyeshadow palette, filled with neutral tones and a few shimmery shades. 

“So you can wear it in public, I know you said the palette you have had too bold of colors for daytime.” She explained. Oswald smiled and tucked it into his coat pocket. 

“How thoughtful, thank you. About my birthday, what has Ed told you?” He inquired. 

“He told me not to tell, under any circumstances.” But everyone has a price. Oswald sighed and pulled out his checkbook. 

“How many zeroes?” he sighed, writing a one and began writing zeroes until her eyes widened. He took that as his answer. He ripped the check out of his check book, and handed it to her. She slipped the check into her jacket before leaning in. 

“Mr. Nygma is offering me double whatever you offer. Oh and he told me to give you this,” she handed him a small envelope held shut by a sparkly penguin sticker. He opened it to find a Polaroid photo of a way too drunk Oswald and Ed, Oswald on Ed’s lap and Ed with his glasses in his teeth. You couldn’t see it, but Oswald had been grinding his ass against Ed, making him cum soon after the photo was taken. Attached to the Polaroid was a sticky note that read:

_Times like this are to come, also did you really think you could bribe her? I have eyes everywhere._

Oswald arrived home to find Ed standing at the door, two large suitcases at his feet and a grin on his face. 

“There are exactly one hundred seconds left in your birthday, so let’s make the most of it.” He stated, Oswald stepped towards him and they shared a soft and warm kiss till the clock struck midnight. Oswald was the first to pull away. 

“My dear, would you please tell me where we are going. You’ve kept it from me all day and we both know I don’t like to be kept in the dark.” He plead. Ed chuckled. 

“Somewhere far from here, with sand, sunshine, and strong drinks.” 

Oswald had a million thoughts going through his head. He had never been farther than upstate New York, and Gotham was constantly teetering on the thin line between normality and anarchy as is. It was like Ed sensed Oswald’s concern. 

“All of your affairs are in order, they can handle four days without you. I gave your assistant the number to call if absolutely necessary. I know you’re a curious bird so you may ask three questions and I will answer.” Ed knew his partner well. 

“What am I going to wear? Suits and sand don’t mix, and my legs don’t look good in shorts.” 

“That’s already been figured out, plus I don’t plan on us leaving the room or wearing clothes until the second day.” That response elicited a smile from Oswald. 

“Will it be hot? I don’t do well in hot temperatures.” Unless it was the scalding hot baths he loved to take. 

“It will be warm, but not overwhelmingly hot. Final question?”

“How are we getting there?”

“Just a four hour flight, turns out as mayor you have access to the GCPDs aircrafts. Our old pal Bullock is flying us there.” Oswald rolled his eyes.

“Four hours? With Harvey Bullock? He’s tolerable but in small doses, like bathtub gin.” He griped. 

“Well, it’s either that or sixteen hours cooped up in the car. Plus the added gas stops and the traffic. It’s not like he’ll be talking to us, he’ll be manning the helicopter. We’ll be enjoying chocolate strawberries and champagne, listening to a nice little playlist I made for us.” 

So the two made their way to the GCPD, where Harvey Bullock was on his fourth cup of coffee. 

“Let’s get this over with, I have to be back to this place in nine hours.” He grumbled. Oswald had taken an anxiety medication beforehand, so he was feeling relaxed. Not at all worried about the caffeine fueled ex vet who was flying the helicopter. Ed popped the champagne before take out, and poured his partner a glass as they got settled in the air. Two glasses and a couple strawberries in, Oswald was out like a light. Leaving Ed to chat with Harvey the remainder of the flight. 

When they arrived, Oswald was woken up by Ed nudging him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes before peering out the window. 

“Are we here?” He yawned. Ed nodded as he led Oswald out of helicopter. There was a cool breeze, but it definitely was not Gotham weather. The stars sparkled in the sky as the watched the helicopter take off, but it wasn’t long until Oswald realized the hotel wasn’t behind them. Had he been sober, Ed would’ve received the scolding of a lifetime. Something about how sand is hell on Italian leather, but his clouded brain didn’t think of it. Instead the two walked, dragging their suitcases with them. Street lights illuminated their way as Ed took Oswald’s hand into his, causing Oswald to stare at him as if he had just stripped naked.

“Relax, these people don’t know us and don’t care. Here we can be ourselves, our best selves one might argue.” Ed murmured, planting a kiss on Oswald’s pale cheek. Oswald blushed, a small smile on his face. The walk to the hotel was fairly short, but they both enjoyed the quiet stroll. They checked into the hotel and headed to the top floor penthouse, nothing but the best for his Oswald. The room was a lovely cream color, with a giant window that overlooked the ocean. The bedding, which was a lovely grey color, was covered with rose petals in the shape of a heart. Oswald, tired and emotional, began to tear up. Ed wrapped his arm around Oswald, lifting his chin to kiss him and to dry his tears.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Oswald sniffled. 

“It’s beautiful, you’re beautiful.” Oswald whispered. Ed chuckled and kissed him. 

“Let’s get you to bed, you’re tired. We can explore tomorrow,” Ed responded. He unmade the bed, and Oswald stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed. He watched as Ed undressed then put on his pajamas. They were a cotton set with E.N. engraved in gold stitching on the breast. Oswald kissed Ed’s cheek as he laid next to him, falling asleep not long after. 

~

The smell of coffee and something sweet filled Oswald’s nose. He wasn’t sure what was more delicious, that scent or the view of his Chief of Staff walking around completely nude. Oswald rolled out of bed and padded towards Ed, hoping to catch him off guard. But Ed caught him two steps before, turning to face him. 

“Good morning, I ordered us a nice and hearty breakfast. We’re going to need all of our energy for what I have planned for us, speaking of which I brought something for you.” He handed him a small black bag. In it was a black silicone butt plug with a purple faux crystal heart at end. Oswald smiled at the gift. 

“It’s beautiful, though I think this gift is just as much for you as it is for me.” Oswald chuckled. Ed shrugged, he couldn’t deny that he imagined how perfectly it would compliment Oswald’s pale ass. 

“Coffee and crepes on the table, I did steal a bite beforehand and they are definitely better with the strawberry sauce. Also, there are mimosas but they skimped on the champagne, so I added some vodka.”

Oswald excused himself for a moment to insert Ed’s gift, gasping softly at just how nice the pressure felt. He walked out to the table, impressed at how easy it was to walk with it in. 

“Very nice choice Ed, very comfortable.” He commented as he sat at the table. They ate their breakfast, watching the ocean from out the window. 

“I’ve never seen the ocean before, mother used to tell me about one time when she a little girl how she went to the ocean. She buried her toes in the warm sand and collected shells, mother always said that I’d go one day with someone special,” Oswald babbled. Ed quietly ate as he listened, he loved how Oswald’s eyes lit up when he spoke of his mother. He wished he could’ve met her, even though he was sure that Getrud would think Oswald could do better. 

“But I’m rambling, what do you have planned for today?” He asked. That question was met with a devilish grin. 

“Well that depends on what you want to do first? We could do it how I have planned, or we can take it slow.” A choice. While Oswald loved to be in control, he was curious what the ever mysterious Edward Nygma had to offer. 

“Do your worst Mr. Nygma, I promise I’ll _obey_.” Oswald purred. 

“Since we are doing this my way-“ Ed walked to the suitcase and revealed a blindfold, handcuffs, and ear plugs. “-I’ll be generous and give you hints, wouldn’t want to leave you in the _dark_.” 

Dark, not just his sight gone but his hearing. The earbuds weren’t completely noise canceling, but made it sound almost as if Oswald was underwater. He was at the mercy of Edward Nygma. The handcuffs were just tight enough to leave marks but not hard enough that it was extremely uncomfortable. He hated not knowing where exactly Ed was, and he knew that Ed was being extra quiet on purpose.

Oswald jumped at the feeling of Ed’s cool tongue running down his chest before the sensation changed. Some sort of feather, Oswald assumed ostrich based on the width and softness, was ran over his swelling balls first before making a tantalizingly slow journey up his shaft. His hips did an involuntary jerk upwards. 

“I thought you said you’d obey, I’d spank you if you weren’t handcuffed. Instead I’ll just have to resort to this.” Ed’s muffled works didn’t ring clear until he smelled butane then vanilla. His body tensed up in anticipation of the hot drip. Ed started with a few fat drops at the center of his chest, something that would be visible to all on the beach but in the event Oswald wore a shirt would be hidden. Ed’s cool breath on the hot (131 degrees to be exact, though it was likely to be around 125 when it hit his skin) skin was something Oswald had never felt before. That got his cock leaking, he could hear his own moans but they didn’t sound like him. They were more animalistic. 

Ed took the earbuds out. 

“I want you to hear yourself,” he commented. Oswald’s ears were filled with the sounds of Ed’s hand, which was now slicked with a cooling lube, stroking his partners cock. The slick sounds with Ed’s soft grunts sent Oswald over, shooting thick ropes of cum. It was a few moments before Ed removed the blindfold, the light nearly blinding him. After blinking a few times, his eyes adjusted and he saw the mess he had made. 

“Very good, and for that you deserve a treat. So after some chocolate strawberries, you can tell me which one you want. One or two?” Ed panted. Oswald was hoping to get some more information about his options.

“Any context on what each of the numbers represent?” Oswald pried, but Ed shook his head no. He tried to figure out the hidden meaning behind each number anyways, trying to stay one step ahead of Ed somehow. They laid in bed together, eating strawberries and watching the tv, still covered in Oswald’s seed. 

“I’m loving this quality time, but if I don’t bathe soon I think I might have to bleach my skin. So I’m going to run a bath, is this toy bath safe?” Oswald inquired. 

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be, but we can find out.” 

So Oswald ran them a nice hot bath. Ed came in while it was still running. 

“One or two?” He asked. Oswald furrowed his brow, he was still a bit tired from their first endeavor but he wasn’t tired enough to halt the proceedings. 

“Two,” Oswald chose, surprised when Ed handed him a small bag that contained a penguin bath bomb. He smelled the orb, detecting hints of jasmine and rose. Oswald dropped the bath bomb in, watching the black and white exterior turn into a light purple. 

Ed got into the steaming bath first, assisting Oswald in afterward. Ed sat with his back to the faucet to save Oswald the discomfort. Oswald sank in, resting his feet on Ed’s thighs. He swirled his finger in the purple water as Ed took Oswald’s injured leg into his hands. Oswald’s attention immediately turned to him. Ed had seen Oswald’s literal asshole, but still was skittish when he looked at his leg. The scars and bruises on his leg made Oswald feel like a freak. 

“May I massage your leg? I’ll be gentle.” Ed questioned. Oswald reluctantly agreed. A small moan escaped his lips as Ed massaged the area. Why he had missed out on this wonderful feeling for two years was a mystery to him. But with his pleasure came a smug grin from Ed. Oswald chose to ignore it and shut his eyes. After bath time, Ed unplugged the drain. Oswald watched his erect member swing as he stepped out of the bath.

“You know, it’s not fair that you have to walk around _aching_. Let me help you,” Oswald purred. Ed turned to find Oswald had exited the tub and was on his knees on the plush bath mat. A part of him wanted to make sure that his partners leg was comfortable, but the more animalistic side of him always won. He approached Oswald and sharply inhaled when his tongue teased the head before taking the length in between his plump lips. This wasn’t a part of Ed’s plan for the day, but he wasn’t about to object. 

“Such a dirty bird, the Mayor of Gotham on his knees sucking me off.” Ed threaded his hand in Oswald’s hair. “But only I get to see how naughty you can be, isn’t that right? Not like you can answer with a full mouth.” Oswald’s tongue flickered over Ed’s heavy balls and Ed thrust forward. Oswald gagged at the feeling of Ed’s cock hitting his throat, but he didn’t mind. His main goal was to get some form of swear word to escape Ed’s lips. Unlike his counterpart, Ed rarely cursed so a swear from his lips was like candy to Oswald. So he looked up with pleading eyes as if to beg for something he couldn’t say. His light eyes peering into Ed’s stoked a fire in his core. 

“F-Feels so good Ozzie. Your mouth feels s-so fucking good.” Ed praised. It was hard to focus on Oswald sucking him off AND not locking his knees. He felt himself nearing the edge, so he began to mentally recite the list of the most prescribed drugs that he learned in the Intro to Pharmacology course he took in college.

_Synthroid, Crestor, Nexium, Ventolin HFA, Advair Diskus, Diovan_

Oswald was being especially vocal, slurping and whining around Ed’s cock. He wouldn’t admit it, but it was 50% because he was genuinely enjoying the act and 50% because his knee was getting sore. Without warning Ed came in Oswald’s mouth. Ed didn’t care if Oswald swallowed or spit, he knew his loads could be a lot for Oswald take down without an involuntary gag. Oswald swallowed Ed’s load in two gulps. 

“I love you, but could we take a late lunch break? This mat lost its cushioning about a minute after starting, and I’ll be out of commission for at least an hour.” Oswald suggested. Ed chuckled, scooping him up in his arms and walking to the bed. Oswald grabbed the hotel phone and dialed.

“Hello? Room service? What’s your best thing you have? ... A burger? Hmm I haven’t had one of those in awhile, so two burgers and fries. Thank you.” Though Oswald would’ve preferred a steak, the burger was one of the better ones he’d had in his life. He contently munched on his fries while Ed flipped through television channels. Ed chose a cooking channel, though it served more as background noise. After polishing off his plate, Oswald took a nap. That gave Ed the perfect opportunity to set up for his finale. While he slipped on some fishnets, he paused to hear what Oswald was muttering in his sleep. 

“ _Oh_ , yes Eddie. Give me more daddy please~”

Ed was interested, wondering what Oswald’s brain was imagining. He’d never called him daddy before, so it had to be something particularly risqué. He watched as Oswald’s chest rose and fall, and couldn’t help but notice that Oswald’s cock had beads of cum running down his length. A truly risqué dream indeed. He slipped a pair of fishnet color block boxers and hastily put on a baby pink lipstick as Oswald stirred awake. 

“What were you dreaming about my dear?” Ed asked as Oswald rolled out of bed, not even looking at Ed. 

“Huh?” Oswald grumbled. 

“Come on, tell _daddy_ what you need.” He purred. Oswald was certainly awake after that statement, turning his head to see his boyfriend in his full get-up. He raised one finger, walking over to the mini fridge and grabbing a bottle of water and downing it, then walked back to the bed. 

“Dazzle me,” 

Ed didn’t have to be told twice. He sauntered over to the bed, flaunting those gorgeous legs of his. A soft kiss turned quickly to a battle of tongues and teeth, his baby pink lipstick smearing over Oswald’s face and neck. With some gentle coaxing, Ed got Oswald to lay on his stomach. He administered a slap to Oswald’s ass, it was the first part of him that seemed to gain weight and Ed adored it. More for him to grab and play with.

“You look so beautiful like this, toy in your greedy hole just waiting for me. I bet you’ve been wanting this all day, to be filled by me.” 

With that, another spank.

“Y-Yes.”

“Yes what?”

Another spank, Oswald’s left cheek becoming substantially pinker than the other. 

“Y-Yes daddy,”

“Good little bird,” Ed slowly pulled the plug out slowly of Oswald’s hole, the raven haired mans cock twitching from the stimulation. He let out a low whine. 

“You’re so beautiful Oz,” Ed removed his underwear and lubed himself up, stroking his semi-hard member a few times before inserting himself. Oswald loved feeling Ed get hard inside of him, hell he just loved the feeling of Ed in him. It made him feel like they were one, a kind of fullness nothing else could make him feel. Ed went slow, he knew that’s what Oz wanted though he never asked for it. He knew that Oswald loved to be brought to the point of begging, so Ed took his time and enjoyed the sight in front of him. They kept a steady pace until Ed’s tip hit Oswald’s prostate, which seemed to ignite a fire in his veins. 

“More please, be rough with me I can take it.” Oswald plead. Ed smirked and started by picking up the pace. Oswald clenched his hole, causing Eds member to twitch inside of him. Suddenly Oswald felt empty, causing him to let out a pitiful whine as Ed ushered him to lay on his back. Once on his back, Ed eased back into Oswald. 

“I just had to see your pretty face.” Ed grunted, using his right arm to pull Oswald close to him. Oswald dug his nails into Ed’s back as he rode his cock. 

“S-So good, not gonna l-last!” Oswald cried out, his head lolling back. So Ed slowed it down, letting Oswald feel and truly experience each roll of his hips along with lazily running his tongue over the veins in Oswald’s neck.

“Oh God- oh GOD! _Eddie!_ ” 

Oswald cried out as Ed bit down on his tender flesh skin, painting both of their chests. Ed pulled out, letting Oswald flop onto the bed. Ed stroked himself lazily a few times before shooting ropes of cum onto Oswald’s chest. 

“Was I good?” Oswald breathed heavily, watching Ed lay beside him. 

“You were amazing, you _are_ amazing.” Ed breathed. 

“That’s good...can we order some juice?”

“Juice? As in orange?”

“Of course not! I was thinking more along the lines of apple.” 

So Ed ordered two glasses of apple juice and eventually stood up to grab a warm washrag to clean Oswald off. Ed himself didn’t mind being covered in cum overnight, but the thought of doing that himself made Oswald’s skin crawl. 

~

The second day was their first beach day. Ed changed into his green swim trunks, and Oswald into his purple. His eyes kept flickering towards outside, anxious for anyone to see him bare chested. 

“Ed, do you think we can find a shirt for me to wear before we head to the beach? I’d wear one of mine but they’re all too nice.” He asked. Oswald chest was riddled with scars from escapades past, not to mention the heart shaped burn Ed had crafted. 

“Oh, of course! I should’ve packed one just in case but we can check out their gift shop before we head to the beach.” Ed replied, grabbing a few towels. 

The gift shop, while home to necessities you may have forgotten while packing, also held a collection of the tackiest shirts Oswald had ever seen. Each beach related pun was worse than the last. He settled on a radioactive green shirt that read FEELING SALTY! with the Y as a margarita. It wasn’t ideal but it was better than the alternatives. The beach was across the street, so the walk wasn’t far. While Ed’s attention was focused on the blue waters, Oswald was pleased to note that there was a beach front restaurant with a bar. Ed shed his shirt as Oswald found the perfect spot to sit. 

Once he sat their towels down, Oswald removed the sunscreen from their beach bag and lathered the coconut scented paste all over Ed’s body before they shared a kiss and Ed headed into the water. Oswald shuffled over to the bar and ordered their signature drink, some kind of lemonade slush with pineapple and white rum; he then sat back down at his spot and watched Ed swim. 

Ed emerged from the water, glistening and dripping head to toe. Oswald was intrigued, and apparently a few girls were too. His attention turned to the girls, eyeing Ed like he was a piece of meat. Like he was theirs, when he was very much Oswald’s. When Ed sat beside him, Oswald grabbed his chin and began peppering his face with kisses. Ed tensed up at first until he remembered what he told Oswald about how these people didn’t know them. He smiled and pressed his lips to Oswald’s, tasting the sweet drink on his lips. 

“You taste nice, what is that?” He inquired. Oswald handed him the cup, and Ed took a sip. 

“That’s not bad, though it’s deceptively sweet. Makes you forget the alcohol, makes you forget you’re getting drunk. The water isn’t too cold Oz, you should join me.”

Oswald looked at the seemingly endless water in front of him. Pools and bathtubs had clear borders, and they didn’t have the occasional fish swimming by your legs. But it was silly to go to a beach and not at least dip your toes in the water. 

“Fine, but not until I finish my drink.” 

So Ed waited. Once the drink was empty and Oswald’s almost comically large T-shirt was off, Ed scooped him up and carried him into the water. Oswald laughed and kicked his legs. 

“Y-You’re such a liar! This water is freezing!” He gasped as Ed lowered him in like a baby in a bathtub. Oswald initially shivered but his body adjusted. He buried his toes in the sand as Ed mimicked a shark and swam around Oswald, ending the charade by giving a playful bite to his partners bare shoulder. In Gotham he had to be so serious, it felt nice to show his playful side. A particular girl in a blue and white bikini didn’t seem to understand that Ed was taken, approaching him and striking up a conversation. Ed politely spoke to her, not noticing the subtle flirting mannerisms. But Oswald noticed. 

“I like your swimsuit, it’s a nice color.” Oswald commented as he ran his hand up Ed’s swim trunks to his perfect ass, giving it a squeeze without the girl noticing. Ed’s eyes widened, quickly becoming aware of what Oswald was doing. 

“It is, such a lovely blue against your pale skin. Your eyes are pretty too,” Ed replied. Oswald stared at Ed. The girl smiled. 

“Thank you, you’re not half bad yourself. Hey, there’s a bar over there if you’d like to get dr-“

“He’s busy, too busy for a hussy like you.” Oswald snapped. 

“Man fuck you!” She exclaimed before storming off. Ed couldn’t help but chuckle.

“A hussy? I hope we don’t run into any painted ladies too.” He teased. Oswald huffed and splashed Ed. 

“You thought she was pretty. Was she prettier than me?” 

“No one is prettier than you, my jealous little bird.” Ed insisted as he pinned Oswald into the wet sand and kissed him. Oswald blushed and kissed him back. It was a soft kiss, one that only two people who were truly obsessed with each other could share. 

After some beach time, the two headed to the boardwalk. Oswald was intrigued by just how different the stores were. He was immediately drawn to a candy store/arcade. As Ed headed to the pac-man machine, Oswald was preoccupied with the thirty types of gummy creatures. From bears, to dinosaurs, to piglets, to penguins there were so many to choose from! The unsupervised Mr. Cobblepot had filled three bags to the brim before Ed returned back to him.

“You left me unsupervised,” he commented as Ed took his hand and they walked down the boardwalk. With his free hand, Oswald sipped from a glass bottle soda that was he bought solely because of the green question mark on the label. A store caught Ed’s eye.

“How about we go in there next?” He suggested. The store was called Eves Boutique. From Oswald’s recollection, boutiques typically had higher end fashion and jewelry; so while he was confused why Ed would want to go into a beachfront boutique. Oswald shrugged and Ed pulled him in. 

Through the saloon type doors they walked, and it became painfully obvious what kind of store it was. Along the walls was a display of display of various colors of dildos. The owner could tell that Oswald was wildly uncomfortable, so she approached the couple. 

“Hi i’m Eve, can I help you guys with anything?” She asked kindly, but a stranger speaking to him a sex shop made him more uncomfortable. 

“Hello Eve, we’re just browsing but I am curious if you have anything for male couples.” Ed stated. Oswald blushed, his cheeks becoming as pink as the sunburn forming on his body. Eve led them to a back room before walking away to help another customer. 

“You tricked me!” Oswald hissed as Ed looked through the merchandise. 

“I didn’t trick you, I merely didn’t inform you. If I told you, you would have sat outside. When do we get to shop for things like these when we’re in Gotham?” Ed was right, as Mayor it would be political suicide to be seen in one of Gotham’s seedy sex shops. The same went for his Chief of Staff. 

“Plus, it’s fun to imagine you in something like this-“ he nodded towards a collar and leash set. Without the leash, it could possibly pass as a fashion statement. But Ed wasn’t thinking of that. He was imagining Oswald in his finest suit and his hair done up, on his knees with his pleading eyes while Ed held his leash and unzipped his pants. The visual was spectacular, so he grabbed the box while Oswald perused. He must’ve warmed up to the idea, as he returned with a bottle of lube and something in a small box. 

“So I was thinking.” Oswald started. Ed smiled, so happy that he was being so open. 

“There are some nights I don’t get to see you, and I can’t exactly bring myself to...y’know.” He knew exactly what he meant. Oswald didn’t prefer to pleasure himself, it made him feel dirty and he needed stimulation further than his own hand. “So I was wondering, if you could help me find something to help with that. You know what I like better than me, in that department at least.” He needed something to push him off the edge. His hand got him halfway there, but a vibrator would get him past the finish line. Ed picked a sleek black anal vibrator with three settings.

The rest of their day was filled with more beach time, more alcohol, and an aloe massage for Oswald. 

“What’s black and white and red all over?” Ed inquired as he massaged the gel onto his boyfriends back.

“I know this one Ed, it’s a newspaper.” Oswald hummed, enjoying the cool aloe on his reddened back. 

“Nope! It’s a penguin with a sunburn.” 

Oswald flipped him another familiar bird.

~

The third day started bright and early at a bistro. While Oswald didn’t appreciate being up early on his vacation, he did appreciate the bottomless mimosas. Ed nibbled on the complementary bread as Oswald read the menu. 

“What sounds good to you Eddie? They have a quiche that sounds good but I’m weary of restaurant eggs.” 

“I saw some crepés when we walked in, I wonder if they have peaches. If not I’ll get blueberry.” 

Oswald held Ed’s hand in his as they waited for their food. Ed lazily ran his thumb over Oswald’s as the shorter male called his assistant. He had done well with ignoring work, but inside he was freaking out. Ed knew that a simple phone call would relieve some stress.

“Hello? Yes- I’m aware I’m on vacation and I wouldn’t have to call if I could trust my staff. No don’t hang up! Just please tell me the transaction happened...Alright, that can be fixed. I have to go now, call if anything else goes wrong. Goodbye.” He hung up and handed the phone back to Ed. 

After their brunch, the duo hopped into the rental car. Oswald looked out the window at the sights while Ed drove. He wasn’t sure where they were going, but he was promised that he “wouldn’t hate it”. About twenty minutes later they approached a large sign that read Hanks Gator Farm. 

“Are you serious? An alligator farm?” Oswald dead panned. 

“I decided to work in at least one touristy thing to do, and it was this or a historical tour and neither of us have the patience for a three hour bus tour. At least here we get to ride on a boat.” Ed explained. 

It was a slow day for the tour guide, his passengers only being the two and a man with his two daughters. The boat ride was equal parts educational for Ed and relaxing for Oswald. The cool air from the water felt nice, definitely not hot like the beach.

They stepped off the boat and followed the tour guide to the Gator Barn. Oswald crinkled his nose at the smell but Ed was listening to guide and didn’t notice. 

“Alright now in here we have some of the VIP gators, they prefer being in the barn but can go to the water whenever they want. This one here is mama Charlie, she recently had twenty five beautiful little ones. Most of them left to the water, but a special few stayed here.” He led the group to the other side of the room, where about ten baby gators swam. “That one on the rock, names Kip. Weirdest thing I’ve seen yet, she was born missin’ a leg.” 

Oswald stared at Kip and felt that she was staring back. She was an underdog, just like him. 

“Ed, we should get an alligator. No one in Gotham is prepared to go against an alligator and look how cute they are! They’re small and grow to be virtually unstoppable!” He suggested. Ed rolled his eyes. 

“While the babies are cute, I don’t think your home was made to house a creature that could grow to be half a ton. Plus I don’t think you can just buy one.” Ed replied, stating a fact. Oswald took it as a challenge, approaching the gentleman in overalls. 

“I understand that the alligators _usually_ aren’t for sale, but that’s only because you haven’t received a generous enough offer. How much for a baby?” 

“Sir, they ain’t for sale.”

Oswald walked back over to Ed, who had a smug grin on his face. 

“I could just put one in my pocket, I did it with a candy bar once when I was younger.” 

“Oz, I think a baby alligator is a bit more...animated than a candy bar. How about I buy you a souvenir plush alligator?”

“I’m not a child Ed, I want the alligator bracelet.”

After the gator farm the two returned to their hotel room for another aloe massage. Oswald dozed off while Ed applied the gel, leaving him to his own devices. He decided to ride the elevator and explore each floor. As a child his parents had only taken him to stay at a hotel a few times, and none of them were as nice as this one. The lobby alone was nicer than his apartment. 

For dinner they headed to an authentic New Orleans restaurant that promoted family style meals. 

“Should we order off the menu? Or whatever the family style has?” Oswald asked, swirling his glass of red wine. 

“I think we should have the family style, it’s the only way to get a true taste of the cuisine.” Ed replied. He noticed that his response put a concerned look on Oswald’s face. Oswald had been putting on a few pounds since his inauguration as Mayor, but that was only to be expected with daily lunch meetings and expensive dinners. That being said, the extra weight made him feel insecure. Oswald feared that Ed wouldn’t find him attractive anymore, but Ed adored his boyfriends softening features. 

“Oswald, there’s nothing wrong with self indulgence...especially with quality food. It’s not like you’re eating fast food. Plus, I adore your curves my love.” He leaned in to kiss Oswald’s nose and to whisper “Gives me more to touch when we’re doing unspeakable things in the bedroom...or your office...or the limo.”

As Ed ordered their dinner, Oswald removed his shoe and ran his sock covered foot over Ed’s groin. 

“For the jambalaya we’ll take-“ a sharp inhale broke the flow of conversation   
“-whatever your second spiciest is.” The waiter walked away and Ed smirked at his loving partner, who was grinning ear to ear.

“Something the matter dear?” Oswald inquired. Ed rolled his hips upwards, begging for that sweet friction. 

“Don’t start something you can’t finish.” Ed warned, his tone bordering on intimidating. Oswald chuckled, his lips on his glass. He decided to flip the script on his riddle loving partner.

“What spends all the time on the floor but never gets dirty?” 

Ed furrowed his brow for a second.

“A shadow!” He exclaimed, pleased that Oswald had came up with such a quality riddle. When he looked across at his partners seat, Oswald was missing. Feeling his zipper being tugged down Ed realized where his partner had gone. 

Oswald freed Ed’s cock from his boxers. Long and thin, with a tendency to get easily excited by Oswald; a statement that could describe Ed’s cock or just him as a person. The waiter came to refill their drinks while Oswald was hidden by the red table cloth, his lips around Ed’s member. 

“I love you _ungh_ so much.” Ed whispered, his knuckles white as he gripped the wooden armrest on the chair. With the excitement of the situation, it didn’t take him long to blow his load. In the time it took Ed to come back down to Earth, Oswald got back into his seat and finished his glass of wine. 

Two bottles of wine, good conversation, and countless plates of amazing cuisine later Oswald and Ed decided to walk off their dinner. Hand in hand they strolled, the street lights illuminating the way. They stopped by a little bakery to buy some thank you treats for Harvey before heading back to the hotel for the night. 

~

In the middle of the night Oswald was awoken from a deep slumber by his phone ringing across the room. He trudged over to the device before flipping it open.

“If this isn’t important you will be in the unemployment line by tomorrow.” He threatened. His stern expression turned to a puzzled one when he heard the news. A local antique store was demolished and the citizens were pissed. Though he didn’t approve or deny the demolition, someone called in a tip to the news saying that he approved it. This wouldn’t look good for Mayor Cobblepot, especially when they found out he was on vacation when it took place. Time was of the essence. He had to be back before his press conference at noon.

So Oswald made arrangements for a helicopter to arrive at seven AM. In the dark he began to pack as much as he could, inevitably waking up Ed. The taller male rubbed his eyes before putting his glasses on. 

“What are you doing? Come to bed.” He yawned. 

“I will in a moment.” Oswald replied, zipping up the suitcase before settling back into bed. He briefed Ed on the situation, though Ed was more asleep than awake. 

The two stood together hand in hand as they waited for the helicopter. 

“I’m sorry your birthday present got cut short.” Ed stated.

“It’s not your fault, I’m surprised something bad didn’t happen sooner. Those people are a mess without us.” Not me, not you: us. Ed smiled and kissed Oswald’s cheek. 

The entire ride home, Oswald napped in Ed’s arms. He needed as much sleep as possible as to not look disheveled in front of the citizens. After stopping by the manor to get camera ready, they made a quick detour to the GCPD. 

“Is Bullock in?” Ed asked.

“‘Fraid not, just left on a call.” 

So Ed left the box of pastries on his desk and scribbled a note on the top of the light blue box. 

Dear Harvey,

Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to fly us to our destination. We had a wonderful time and ate far too much food. I can arrange something for you if you’d ever like to go. 

-Warmly, E. Nygma (and Mayor Cobblepot).


End file.
